What Do You Do for a Friend?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA4_IJk0L2s (the sermon that inspired this post)

Perhaps it is the coffee I had at 9:30 tonight, but when words moving around in my mind keep me from sleeping, I can’t help but power up my laptop to see how God puts them all together.

One thing I have been infatuated (and at times confused) with recently is how to be a friend.

The wonderful dictionary of Merriam-Webster defines it as “one attached to another by affection or esteem.”

We could separate this definition word by word to thoroughly look at its meaning, but the truth is, I am willing to argue that definition is wrong, or at least lacking – quite a bit.

Think about this question: “What does a friend do for you?”

Maybe you answered watches movies with you, helps you with major projects, makes you laugh, or encourages you.  None of these answers are wrong.  And if you connected those answers to Merriam-Webster’s definition, they would strongly correlate to being attached to a person.  But now, flip the question around.

“What do you do for a friend?”

How many times, when we think about our friends, do we ask ourselves that question?  It is so easy to think and answer the first question because it is centered on what people do for us.  However, the latter isn’t quite as simple.  Maybe even a little uncomfortable, if we are being honest. 

If you don’t feel uncomfortable from the last question, I encourage you to keep reading.  There are a few new ways of looking at that question that recently made me super uncomfortable with it.  While you could use the same answers from the first question to answer the second, there seems to be something missing from these answers.

Intentionality.

What a word, right? 

In this generation, intentionality has lost its meaning.  It is lost in the text messages instead of the conversations, the “I’ll be praying” instead of the “Let me pray with you right now,” and the first advice thought of instead of the well searched for scriptural Truths.

Let me be the first to say, “Guilty.”

So, I spent a bit of time earlier watching the sermon I included with this post.  He mentions ways to be intentional with people, and while listening, I jotted down as much as I could, ready to put it all into action.  Man, I was pumped.  I already had ideas and a list of people in my head.

Then I stopped.  I began to think, “What if I try to be intentional with people, but they continuously reject it?” and “What if they aren’t intentional back?”

Great questions, but then God (and you gotta love when He rebuttals your thoughts) made the point, “What if I stopped listening to you because you didn’t spend time with me today?”

In other words, if we are looking for a perfect example of unconditional intentionality, it is exemplified over and over in the Bible by Christ.  Throughout the Gospels, you see Jesus ministering to people without expectations of them doing any favors in return.  He even tells people to not spread word about His good deeds.

How funny is it that we expect God to always have our backs even when we don’t give Him much time or thought, yet instantly respond to our friendships with the mentality of, “Well, he/she cancelled today, so forget giving them anymore time this week.”

So, what does Christlike intentionality look like in friendship?

1.       Pray together.  It was pointed out in the sermon, but brothers and sisters in Christ praying together is super powerful.  This does not mean only sharing prayer requests and praying separately for each other.  Meet together and pray in person (keywords: in person).  Acts 4:23-31 discusses Believers praying together.  Make note that this was right after a few of them were threatened with death if they kept preaching the Gospel.  Also make note, these individuals didn’t go right back to ministering upon hearing the threat (mentioned in the sermon).  They went to their friends, told them what happened, and immediately “lifted up their voices together to God” (Acts 4:24) (from the sermon, as well).  This isn’t an argument nor example to depend on your friends for security, but rather proof of the importance of brothers and sisters to gather together (in pairs, in groups) to lift up their fears, thoughts, and requests to the Father.  One more thing: odds are, the Believers mentioned in Acts 4 probably did not plan that time of prayer ahead of time.  Why don’t we practice spontaneous times of prayer?  When a fellow Believer needs prayer, it should never be about scheduling a time for it.  See the necessity of taking things to the Father and put it into action.

2.       Keep up with each other.  Forgive one another (“space and grace” as a dear friend has told me).  Continually ask how the other person is doing.  Meet with them, in person, with phones put away, for a time of intentionality.  Ask about their everyday life and spiritual life.  Read scripture together.  Even if it is just a verse, discuss it, memorize it, and apply it.  Ask each other throughout the week to repeat it or share a situation it was used for.  Use all of this as ways to point each other back to Christ.  When giving advice, make yourself reference the scripture where you found it.  This will do away with giving advice you may think of on your own.  Paul quoted scripture numerous times in His various letters.  Jesus fought temptation with Truths found in scripture when He was tempted (Matthew 4:1-11).  Knowing and advising scripture is undoubtedly of utmost importance.

All of these things are practices I am currently working on, so in no way do I exemplify each of them to the best extent.  I have bad habits of letting prayer requests through texts suffice for prayer together, pulling out my phone in the middle of quality time, and picking my own brain to counsel someone through a situation.  But those things are just that – bad habits.  I can’t help but think how different it would look for me to practice true Christlike intentionality with people.

And at times, you may come across people that don’t respond as you would expect.  Instead of letting our expectations cloud our minds, let’s instead still choose intentionality.  Continue to pray for them, no matter the response from the individual.

Intentionality is uncomfortable.  Why?  Because it is different.  It goes against cultural norms.  I once had a wise mentor say, “Society tells us ‘You do you.’ Ha, but no, you don’t do you.”  We are not called to make life about ourselves.  It is about Jesus and His Gospel alone.  It is about living out His Calling every day, regardless of how we feel, who hurt us, or how busy our schedules are. 

So, I will ask again:

What do you do for a friend?