Brand New

Over the past few years, I have seen and shared my life through colors.  For example, a few years ago, I only posted on my Snapchat Story using a black and white filter.  No lie, if you viewed my Snapchat Story, you only saw the captured moments in black in white.  (There’s probably a lot of psychological stuff with that I am still processing, ha.)  If you took a few seconds to scroll through my Instagram, you would notice changes in the color of the filters used.  It almost gives off a symbolism vibe for seasons.

Or, maybe that’s just what it is.  I see each season of life in certain colors.  It is this slow transition from one color scheme to the next.  Referring back to Instagram, after doing a slow scroll down memory lane (pun definitely intended), it is quite intriguing to see the images slowly fade from colors of browns, blues, and greens to colors of golds, oranges, and pinks.  I think there is something to take notice of in it.

For years, I have loved marking moments using words.  Recently, I have become fascinated with moments captured with pictures.  When I look back at old pictures, there are people and places in them that form the memories attached in my mind.  Quite frankly, a lot of those people and places left my life slowly, but certainly not smoothly, over time.  Some, life pulled one way while it pulled me the other way.  Others, however, they chose to stay.  And somewhere in the transition of colors and seasons, I learned a new definition for “stay.”  “Stay” doesn’t look like sitting in a dorm room night after night with friends.  It doesn’t look like walking into a school building every day and seeing the same individuals.  It doesn’t always look like making plans to just grab lunch and walk around Wal-Mart.  “Stay” does, as I’ve learned over these recent months, look like coffee shop meet-ups every month because “busy” has a whole new meaning.  It does look like weekend trips to Oxford to visit those belly-laughing, good feeling friends who graciously let your new addition (a sassy and absolutely adorable cat) tag along.  It’s that one friend who taught you a whole new level of responsibly time-managing your life…and still talking almost every day because you need that kind of stability.  It’s seeing grandparents, siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and every other part of family, honestly, less and less, but never feeling like the “running around as a small, constantly laughing, eating at the kids’ table child” side of you ever left.  It’s the Face-Time calls that come not as frequently as needed, but just in time to ease the pain that comes with long-distance friendships and mentorships.  It’s texting “Remember when __________ happened that one time at practice…” to your friend of, um, over a decade (When do we get labelled “old”?).  It’s also, I’ve learned, grabbing lunch or coffee during breaks to catch up with those individuals who continue to blossom into Christian women.  “Stay”….. “stay” takes intentionality.  And not just intentionality, but a kind of intentionality that is intentional with being intentional.  We can intentionally make plans to catch up with someone, but it is even more imperative to be present in that moment of intentionality.  We do this by asking the general AND hard questions.  We share honestly and love honestly.  And more, we do not hide some sort of levels of expectations for this person.  It takes not necessarily a lowering of expectations, but a single expectation of not placing expectations.

In this season, I see in subtle oranges.  Feelings come in colors of pinks.  Memories place themselves in my mind in a glittering gold.  These colors are the early, early mornings before going to your internship when you sip coffee and eat chocolate muffins.  They are a new, but unknown exciting future.  These shades prove to be lessons of communicating in humbleness and understanding.  They represent the feeling that comes with processing deep sin and hurt…and especially the healing that God brought out of it.  They are a New Year’s Eve at home eating freshly made Joanna Gaines cookies and watching Hallmark movies with your mom because, well, past 9:00 is now a no-go.  These colors are super chill dinner plans at the new Zaxby’s in town.  They are breakfast for dinner with friends, homey candles, new books, adventures to just try a coffee shop, or a friend who comes along to a concert of a band you just introduced them to.  They are getting home after a long day and running to grab your camera for perfect pictures of sunsets.  These bright and warm colors are the night before spring break, dancing barefoot on your hardwood floors by yourself while your cat sits on your bed judging you.

And that’s the thing – some of those things include other people.  But, some of them don’t.  Some of them are just memories I have with myself.  At one point, even just last year, the idea of being alone while people made plans left me anxious and uneasy.  I would write pieces to try to process and share the lessons that came with that, but it always seemed to be a never-ending trial and error of moving past that season.  The ironic part is the change of season didn’t happen suddenly with an eventual consistency of plans with people.  It came through slow change over months of having more time alone.  I don’t say this to make it sound like I was miserable or to throw out an invitation to a pity party.  At the beginning, I most definitely didn’t enjoy the season.  But I think when we stop thinking about the issue and how to fix it, before we know it, we find ourselves in a new season of life.  Personally, I believe part of it is removing yourself from the difficult situation.  Sometimes that is sitting down and talking it out.  Other times, it is doing the beyond hard thing of just moving on silently outwardly but allowing God to significantly heal inwardly.  Maybe that’s the actual painful part of it all.

Taylor Swift recently wrote an article for Elle Magazine where she spoke of things she has learned in recent years.  A few words she strung together were, “There’s a common misconception that artists have to be miserable in order to make good art, that art and suffering go hand in hand.  I’m really grateful to have learned this isn’t true.  Finding happiness and inspiration at the same time has been really cool.”

In this season of pinks and yellows and oranges, I’ve been more inspired as ever with creating art.  There are new ways of creating I have been testing out and learning.  There are old ways I am reevaluating and taking time to refocus direction.  I used to write in the middle of and while exiting rough, rough lessons and times.  It was the difficult and not-so-fun parts of life that drove me to write and share.  I am thankful for this warming season of life that has taught me to, instead, write from joy.  Write from the happiness of seasons and lessons and blessings.  Write from the inspiration of change and mending and renewing.  Write from the experience of being daily made Brand New.

It’s taken me until March to figure out a “theme” for myself this year, and I believe that is it.  God making us Brand New day after day, sin after sin, heartache after heartache.  We do not have to linger towards, sit in, or write from the pit of desperation.  We can throw confetti and dance in glitter to a song in our hearts of being made Brand New by the King of the Universe.  That’s not to discredit or ignore the hard transitions and painful side-effects…but rather, to celebrate a renewal of our souls every day by the ultimate Creator.

The well-known transcendentalist Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “It is not the length of life, but the depth.”  So live in this season.  Truly be in it.  Choose to stay – and I mean really stay with the people who encourage and inspire you.  Find the moments that highlight the colors of this time of your life.  See your inspiration in your warming and not-so-warming eras of life.  And at the end of each era, each day, each moment, rejoice at being made Brand New.

So, here is me throwing you an invitation.  But this is to a party of celebration.  Get your small handful of confetti and let it fall as you celebrate your King’s constant work of making you Brand New.