Grounded

While I was walking to my apartment from class recently, a Baylor underclassman stopped me and asked how he could pray for me.  Of course, if you know me, I cried after the fact because it was such a genuine yet unexpected notion...and that was an emotion I just couldn’t contain (cue my Enneagram four-ness).  After we took turns praying for each other, we kept walking and talking about how school was going.  He shared what he was doing his undergrad in, and I shared how I ended up at seminary.  Before we parted ways, he asked me, “If you could give me one piece of advice, what would it be?” ………....All I could think was, “I don’t think I should be giving anyone advice.”  However, after pausing for a few seconds, I finally responded, “Choose to be uncomfortable.  That’s a lesson the Lord always teaches me.  Find ways to be out of your comfort zone because when your earthly comforts are stripped away, God is all you have.  And that’s the best place to be.”

Ever since that encounter, I have been echoing my own advice in my mind.

Over the past few years, I’ve constantly asked myself the question, “Are you choosing to remain comfortable, or are you choosing to be uncomfortable?”

The Lord has kept that question at the forefront of my mind, and for that, I am grateful.  He has used it to guide me into deeper relationship with Him; however, it is not a question that is ever easy to answer honestly.  From my experience, and I’m sure others can relate, “comfort” makes me feel sure of myself and my environment (people, places, etc.)  When I am choosing to continuously place myself in situations I feel I can control, I know I am choosing comfort.  I often begin to put my trust in myself and my environment.  On the other hand, “uncomfortable” for me is often when I have no way in trusting in my own strength.  In the past, it has been doing ministry in new places, leading Bible studies, and being super intentional with others regardless of if it’s reciprocated.  Currently, it is figuring out what I actually decided to do when I moved to a new city.

I am still unsure what I signed up for a year ago when I applied for seminary.  Transition is weird, and it’s uncomfortable.  Being away from familiar friendships has not been easy, especially when having to start over with finding community.  Let me be clear – yes, I am making friends.  However, if I am being transparent, this current season of life is hard to label.  I’ve always been able to find a theme of what I am learning, but I can’t seem to figure this season out.  But, one thing that comes to mind is how often the Lord has reminded me to rely on Him.  There have been numerous nights of just sitting with Him in scripture because that’s the only thing I’m sure about.  Quite frankly, at some points I’ve just sat and hugged my Bible (yes, I know I’m weird) because I literally need to cling to something grounding.

A song I’ve listened to many times recently is “You’re the Only One” by Chris Renzema.

Though the earth may try
To satisfy my heart
Though the earth may try
To tell me You're not faithful
Though the earth may try
To blind me from Your goodness
You shine through

You're the only one who fills me up
Oh, You're the only one who fills me up
Oh, You're the only one who fills me up
Oh, You're the only one

In the midst of a season of unknowns, the Lord has continued to pursue and draw me to Himself.  He has constantly reminded me to rest in Him.  I’ve recently found myself feeling more grounded even in an uncomfortable season.  Maybe that’s what I am learning now.  God has been reshaping the way I think and respond, mainly in a way that is rooted in His love and grace.  He has been grounding me in my emotions, my fears, my desires, and so much more.  Most importantly, though, He has grounded me in the truth that He alone satisfies.  Regardless of anything else, He fills me up.

There is a prayer my dear friend Evalyn shared with me recently.  She actually mailed it to me in a letter, and I folded it to sit on my desk to be reminded of the prayer.  It is SOOOO beautiful, and I have constantly gone back to it ever since Evalyn sent it weeks ago.

“Plough deep in me, great Lord, heavenly Husbandman, that my being may be a tilled field, the roots of grace spreading far and wide, until thou alone art seen in me, thy beauty golden like summer harvest, thy fruitfulness as autumn plenty.”

So there’s an update on this season of life.  And if you were wanting an update on Jemma, she’s currently kicking herself in the face with her paw.  So, nothing has changed.