Most Wanted

We talk about the book

But does anyone

Give one look

That I built my own

Swing in the end

From 1 to 44

Each page

Filled with experiences

Meanings, insecurities, emotions

Not just words, colors

Poems, and illustrations

Ivy means growth

The sweater is my writing

(I'm knitting it on page

40 with my pen)

Page 25 counts down

- 4, 3, 2, 1 -

Acuity for unity

...and that's only 3 things.

It just all feels so

loud at times

A voice that says,

"You're too much"

"Both you and your

emotions - too, too much."

So I put them in a book

Instead of saying them aloud

My brain is the cell

And I'm the crook

Feeling like I should hush

When all I hear in my head is,

"Too, too, too much."

But my friend Ev

Threw me a key

When she told me,

"We've all got some selfishness

But sometimes people think wrongly

Of our motives and passions."

And suddenly I'm free

From the insecurity

That criminalized me

Believing the lie: You're selfish for having feelings

Led me to an obsession

With people pleasing

And handcuffing

Anything I wanted to say

About me

If I shared my

Own fear or joy

It was a punch

To the gut

Reminding me,

"Too, too much."

(Is it being communicated clearly

How good I tried to be?)

But if being good

Means being emotionless

I'd rather have my name

On the Most Wanted List

For tearing up

When a kid picks me a flower

For wanting to share

Details of my book for hours

For the chills, the sound

A violin gives

For the excitement it is

Just to live

And even for the

Frustration

Confusion

Agitation

For simply wanting

Intentional, deeper questions

About the poetry I wrote with my pen

So back to the book - 

Go take a closer look.

It's what's most wanted

By a Most Wanted

Illustration by Grace Spivey